you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
