Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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