if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
