our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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