you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
