I wish I could teleport
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
