I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
