break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
