He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize