Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
