Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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