Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
