I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He passed out mid-signature
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize