I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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