You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
