bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
