i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
