How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
