Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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