I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
