i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
