I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
