So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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