I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
