So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
