I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
