I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
