It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
