there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
