I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
