I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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