Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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