____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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