Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
