Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
me + whiskey = a bad person
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
