i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
