i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Your cock deserves a montage
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
