I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You dont lie about slip and slides
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
