Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
