i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
