First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
