im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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