i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
