I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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