Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
