he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
