Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
