"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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