Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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