dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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