I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
