hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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