when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
