they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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