You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
