If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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