VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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