You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
