She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have fence marks all over my body
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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