so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
