My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm passing your future prison.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
