Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This is my gift to your gina
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
