if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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