Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
