I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
