Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
