Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
