He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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