he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
