so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
